Sometimes things seem really terrible and I really hate my life and I feel sad and lonely and I think, "Maybe I'll do something daring and shocking and desperate. And people will be shocked. And no matter what happens, at least my life won't be like this anymore."
Then I come up with good ideas like these:
Maybe I should secretly sell off all my belongings and start traveling the country and living out of my car.
Maybe I should use my entire savings to buy yarn and teach myself to knit and sell hand-knitted baby booties to all those happy moms-to-be. I could come up with something new and awesome, like booties that increase your baby's neural stimulation, so they'll be smarter. Or maybe booties that smell like bacon, so that the baby will always want to suck on them and then your baby will be more flexible, from all the pulling the feet to the mouth exercises. Then I can charge a lot of money and support myself.
Maybe I should rob a bank and run away to Mexico.
Maybe I should fake my own death to get out of my college loans, and then rob a bank and run away to Mexico.*
Maybe I should go back to school to become a plumber. No matter how bad things get, people will always need plumbers.
Maybe I should move to some village in Africa and live off $2 a day like most of the world.
I know. These plans seem awesome, right? But then I think, "Nah, I can't really do that stuff." Then I feel sad and little bit trapped in my life and I think maybe it's time for me to go to bed. Maybe things will seem a little less crappy tomorrow.
But if not, maybe I'll start plumbing school.
*If you're an NCIS agent or an FBI guy or something, I'm just kidding. I'm not going to rob a bank. I promise.
