The Why

Today during worship I was thinking about how, as a kid, there were a few occasions when one or the other of my parents would tell me to do something and I would ask why.  I could tell that this was not their desired response, but I wasn't asking because I was deciding whether or not to obey them.  I was a fairly obedient kid.  I wanted to know because that's how my brain works.  It is always asking why.  The Why helps me- to know my goal; to get behind the reason; to have a better attitude (hopefully).  I didn't mean to be disrespectful; I was just asking an honest question in hopes of getting an honest answer.

I know that parents don't owe their children an explanation for every call they make.  It's not that I deserved an answer.  And maybe sometimes the answer has to be "Because I said so," but I really think that's not what we normally mean.  In my experience, that answer is code for, "I'm too tired to explain," or "I don't know how to explain," or just, "I feel like you're being disrespectful and I don't to respond to that in a way that pleases you."  My experience is based on my own interaction with young people under my authority- mostly middle schoolers.

When my students asked an honest "why", I tried to answer thoughtfully and truthfully.  I don't think I ever went with, "Because I said so," but I know I have said, "Because I'm the teacher," which is essentially the same thing.  I'm playin' my trump card.  I only used it when a kid was being openly rebellious.  So, I get it.  Maybe my parents thought that's where I was going when I asked, too.  Can't blame 'em for not being able to read my mind.

Anyway, back to this morning.  I'm going through what seems to me to be the longest hard season of my life right now.  Explaining it all would involve a lot of words and drama, and I'm just not up for that right now.  But here's what I was thinking: this would be easier if I knew the why.  Not easy, but easier.  I think I could even be ok with not knowing if where I am is permanent or not, if I could know why.

My theology tells me that my God created me and knows me intimately.  It also tells me that He has good plans for me; plans to prosper and not to harm me.  And it tells me that all things in my life are allowed by my God, for His purposes, which will bring me good and Him glory.

This is all true.  I believe it is Truth, both in a generic,for-the-whole-world sense, and in a personal one.  But when I ask God why, these truths boil down what seems like essentially a God-shaped version of, "Because I said so."  Not an untrue answer, and yet THOROUGHLY unhelpful, unsatisfying.  Un-everything.

And here's the real kicker- God's not misreading me.  He knows that I'm asking out of sheer desperation.  I am in a hard place.  I have been here for a really long time.  I'm trying to hang on.  My knuckles are white and my fingers are bleeding- I'm trying with everything I've got.  I've basically stopped asking for rescue.  He's leaving me here and it must be for a reason.  I'm just asking for a little perspective.  The Why.  Is it too much to ask that He share it with me?  I'm not being disrespectful.  I'm not deciding whether to turn my back on Him.  But it sure would help to be able to hang onto the why.  It sure would help.

Chicken Enchilada Yumminess

A week or so ago I shared a recipe on my FB page for a chicken enchilada dish that I wanted to try.  It was really good and I made TONs of changes, so I'm going to write my own version here.  Mostly for me, but you feel free to try it if you want.  You can see the original recipe by clicking here.

Here are the ingredients that I changed and why:

• 4 bone-in chicken thighs, skinned; I used three boneless, skinless breast tenderloins (because that's what I had)
• 1 cup frozen corn kernels, thawed; I used 2 cups. (I like corn)
• 1/3 cup (3 ounces) 1/3-less-fat cream cheese, softened; I used about 2/3 of a block of full-fat. (I love cream cheese AND the newest studies are showing that fat from dairy is actually good for you.  Yay!)
• 1/2 teaspoon ground red pepper; (I took this out- don't like hot)
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin (doubled.  I like cumin)
• 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt  (doubled.  It needed salt.  I used regular table salt)
• 1 cup fat-free, lower-sodium chicken broth; (I just used normal broth- what I had in the cupboard)
• 2/3 cup salsa verde (I used green enchilada sauce)
• 1/4 cup water (I replaced this with broth)
• 2 tablespoons chopped pickled jalapeño pepper (didn't use this- again, don't like hot)
• 1/4 cup (1 ounce) shredded sharp cheddar cheese (seriously?!?!  1/4 cup for four servings?  That's a TABLESPOON per serving.  If you're counting calories hard-core, be my guest.  I used a total of 1.5 cups of cheese.  It was delicious, but I'll probably dial it down to 1 cup next time, as a nod toward health)
• I used less chicken than they said because I didn't have that much.  I supplemented with an 8 oz box of small white button mushrooms (I just learned that mushrooms contain a savory flavor called umami, which our brains associate with meat.  Plus I'm trying to get in more veggies)
• I would have put in a can of black beans for extra protein and deliciousness (because black beans go with anything Mexican) but I was out.  There was some weeping and gnashing of teeth)
• I added some medium salsa.  More veggies and added flavor.  Maybe 1/2 cup?

Ok, so here's my version:

 Leslie's Chicken Enchilada Casserole Recipe

Ingredients

• Cooking spray
• 3 skinless, boneless chicken breast tenderloins
• 8 oz mushrooms
• 1/3 cup chopped fresh cilantro, divided
• 2 cups frozen corn kernels, thawed
• 2/3 a block cream cheese, softened
• 1 teaspoon ground cumin
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
• 2 cups chopped onion, divided
• 6 garlic cloves, minced and divided
• 1 cup chicken broth
• 1 10 oz can green enchilada sauce
• 1/2 cup medium salsa
• 9 (6-inch) corn tortillas
• 1 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese

Directions

-Preheat oven to 425°F.

-In a medium sauce pan, boil the chicken until it's cooked through and tender.  Drain and set aside to cool.  

-Use a food processor to dice separately onions, mushrooms, and cilantro.  (you can do it by hand if you prefer).  Will only take a couple spins so you don't puree it.  By this time, you chicken should be cool enough to handle. Put it in the food processor for just a couple spins to chop/dice. (don't worry about rinsing out the food processor between foods; everything's getting put together anyway)

-In a large skillet, saute 2/3 of your onion with 1/2 the garlic, all the mushrooms and chicken in about a 1/4 cup olive oil.  Toward the end, add the salt, pepper, cumin, and salsa.  Last, remove from heat and stir in 1/2 the cream cheese and 1/2 the cilantro.  Set aside.

-In the sauce pan you used for the chicken, mix together the green enchilada sauce, the remaining 1/3 of the onions, the chicken broth, the remaining garlic, and the rest of the cream cheese.  Bring to a boil, then simmer for about 10 minutes.  Set aside to cool.

-Back to your skillet, rinse it out and spray with cooking spray.  Over medium-high heat. Add 3 tortillas; cook 1 1/2 minutes on each side. Remove tortillas from pan; repeat procedure with remaining tortillas. Cut tortillas into quarters.

-Go back to the cooling sauce.  Carefully pour it into a food processor with the rest of the cilantro.  Blend until smooth.

-Spread a thin layer of the salsa mixture in the bottom of a 9x13 or 8x8 baking dish coated with cooking spray. Arrange 12 tortilla quarters over salsa mixture. Spoon half of chicken mixture over tortillas. Sprinkle with 1/3 of the cheddar cheese.  Repeat tortillas, meat, cheese, and then tortillas again. Pour remaining salsa mixture over tortillas; sprinkle evenly with cheddar cheese. Bake at 425°F for 15 minutes or until bubbly and lightly browned.

It makes four servings and from start to finish took about an hour.  AND during the 15 minutes of cooking, I got all the washing up done, which is a fantastic bonus in my world.  Mmmm....