Everyday Drama -or- Leslie Tries Sugar Scrub

This year a lovely woman at church I've been getting to know better gave me a Christmas gift- a jar of sugar scrub.

I was excited.  I like presents.  I like sugar.  I...don't like scrubbing things, but two out of three ain't bad.

Having had zero experience with sugar scrubs (or any scrubs, for that matter), there were some questions in my mind.  So I asked.

Um, what IS it, exactly?  "It's made out of coconut oil, sugar, and lemon oil."

Huh.

I'm not gonna lie.  I wanted to taste it.  It's like halfway to a cake.

I asked some more strategic questions.

Do I use a washcloth or a poof?  "No, just scoop some up and use your hands."

Ok.  That sounds simple.

Do you use it on your face, or is it too harsh? "Probably avoid your face."

Check.

I had more questions, but by this point I felt silly.  What 35 year old American woman doesn't know how to use sugar scrub?  Obviously the others in the party did.  So I happily carried my little jar of scrub home.

I'll ask Papa Google, I thought.

Fast forward a couple days, and I'm standing in the shower, holding my jar of sugar scrub.  I have overnight guests coming the next day, so I bribed myself to clean the shower by promising myself I could use my new sugar scrub after.

So there I am, the shower is clean, and I'm switching gears from cleaning the shower to taking a shower, and I realize I haven't asked Papa Google my questions yet.

Stink.  It's too late to get out of the shower and search.  But the next thing I wanted to know was if the scrub should be used before, after, or instead of soap.  This seemed like an important point.  And it seemed important to know BEFORE I use it the first time.  Not so much AFTER.

But what the heck.  I decide to live on the wild side and guess.

After.  We're going with after soap.

Normal showering activities accomplished, I open the jar.

*Author's note: open the jar before your hands are wet and slippery.

It smells good.  On this first day of a New Year's sugar fast I remind myself not to taste the scrub.  It will not taste good, Foster!!  No.

I scoop out some goo and have at it.

*Author's note: I can see why sugar is an exfoliant.  Don't start out with too much vigor.  Go easy.

As I finish up one should and arm, I realize that those surfaces are now oily.  Right.  I just rubbed oil on them.  Curious that I didn't see that coming.  I rethink my After decision.

I continue scrubbing and consider the fact that I've heard of people using coconut oil like a lotion.  Well, I should be lotiony now, fer sher.

Meanwhile, the water has started to lose a bit of its heat.  That's normal for such a long shower, but it hurries me along a bit.

As I notice the intriguing way that the water is now beading up on my shoulders, my feet start sliding down the surface of the tub.

Yes, coating a surface with oil will make the water bead up on said surface.  It will also make your tub slippery.

I finish scrubbing.  As I stand in the cooling water, I ponder what to do.  I'm greasy.  This isn't my standard post-shower state.  Should I cave and wash with soap again?  Will it rub off on my towel?  Is this what's SUPPOSED to happen?  Will I eventually swear by moisturizing with coconut oil, or will it clog my pores and cause me to break out in a horrific rash?

Again, what's a new year for, if not to live dangerously?  Besides, the water's getting cold.  I turn off the water and reach for my towel.

And now, a few hours later I have determined that I made the right call.  My arms and legs don't feel greasy, but they do feel soft.  I just checked- they DON'T taste like lemon cake (alas).  But in all, the sugar scrub was a win.  Thanks Amber!