A comedy in 20 Steps
Step 1: While driving to work at 4:30am, to pick up your computer so you can work from home since you're sick, notice that your lights seem dim. When you arrive at the building, note that, indeed, your driver's side dim headlight is burnt out. Take a moment to appreciate that at least when you got rear-ended this summer and it totaled your beloved (PAID IN FULL!!!) 2005 CR-V, at least it rid you of the problem of burning out headlights about once a month.
Step 2: Later in the day, but still in your pj's and fuzzy socks, on your way home from a Meijer run for cold meds, swing into Advanced Auto Parts and pick up a bulb. Appreciate the fact that bulbs for the 2011 CR-V cost $5 more than bulbs for the 2005. Smile and nod when the helpful AAP guy warns you not to touch the bulb with bare hands, lest you reduce the bulb's life. [psht. rookie mistake. i've known that for years]
Step 3: Before changing the bulb, pull up a Youtube video to make sure it's the same process as bulb-changing in a 2005. BTW, it's exactly the same, so you can skip this step if you want.
Step 4: Gather supplies and consider that changing the bulb in the dark wasn't the wisest choice.
Step 5: Head out to the car with your gear and realize that you don't know where the latch to pop the hood is. Sheepishly realize that after owning the car for over five months, you should probably know this. Feel around uselessly for awhile. Give up, and dig out your owner's manual. Find the completely incomprehensible diagram describing the location of the latch. Feel around uselessly some more.
Step 6: Take a break to go to the bathroom and blow your faucet (ahem), I mean, nose. Return and eventually find the latch. Apparently we're hiding it from the general populace, eh Honda?
Step 7: Open hood and peer hopelessly at the teensy, tiny space in which you must maneuver to make this happen. Silently curse Honda's engineers in your mind.
Step 8: Remove the plug from the back of the bulb. Note with trepidation that it's really tight. Be sure to squash the back of your hand when it finally comes loose.
Step 9: Loosen and pull off the rubber boot. Be excited that this part was easy!
Step 10: Push the little hook out of the way to release the bulb. Bulb will fall free and drop about 2 feet into the bowels of the engine compartment.
Step 11: Stand and look at the dead bulb, lying so far down. Just, you know, look for awhile.
Step 12: Try unsuccessfully to reach the bulb. Enjoy the delightful reality that you can't both see the bulb and reach for the bulb at the same time, as the act of reaching blocks the light, making it impossible to see.
Step 13: Head into the house for some pliers. Return to the car and carefully try to reach the bulb with the pliers.
[Editer's note: you know what's coming, don't you?]
Step 14:Drop pliers into the bowels of the engine compartment.
Step 15: Close your eyes and sigh. Retrieve errant pliers by touch, and feel happy at how easy that was.
Step 16: Eyeball the bulb, give up on the light, and push your arm into the engine compartment as far as you can. Consider how odd if would look if your arm got stuck and you ended up dying in this position. Realize that next time you should either have your cell phone within reach (you know, so it can fall into the engine compartment, too) or bring a pocket knife, so you can cut your own arm off in a pinch, like that mountain climbing guy.
Step 17: Shudder and re-focus. Very, very carefully, whilst pushing your arm in as far as humanly possible, retrieve the bulb.
Step 18: Perform a private happy dance.
Step 19: Finish changing the bulb with minimal drama.
Step 20: Take a moment to be thankful. For a car. For money to buy a bulb. For access to Youtube videos. And that your headlight works now.
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