Zero Food Waste Fail -or- Who Wants Potato Soup?

Today I decided to make potato soup.  I’ve been hankerin’ for some loaded baked potato soup for several weeks.  I moved the diced ham from the freezer to the fridge in preparation.  That was about 3 weeks ago.  Today I threw away the diced ham.

Last night I moved the ¼ pound of bacon from the freezer to the fridge so I could put that in the soup in lieu of the neglected ham.  This morning I popped it in the oven to bake... 

[author’s note: if you’ve not yet discovered the joy that is baked bacon, allow me.  It is the ONLY way to cook any batch of bacon bigger than your skillet.  Google it.  So easy]

 ...and in a few minutes I thoughts, “Hmm, that bacon smells a little…off…”

Now granted, said bacon had been in the freezer awhile, but I put it in a ziplock, and then put that ziplock into a FREEZER ziplock, which I presumed would keep it good until roughly the second coming of Christ.

I check the label I’d written on the bag in blue sharpie.  June 2016.  Really?  I was sure this bacon was from this past summer (I’m writing this in December 2017).  But the sharpie doesn’t lie.  Hmm.

I peek in at the bacon. 

It look normal.  Didn’t it?  It was definitely not green.

I google “how do I know if my bacon is rancid” but that results in irritatingly subjective advice.  If it smells “off” or looks brownish, throw it away.  Well Google, what if it’s apparently been 18 months since I last cooked bacon and can’t remember if the smell is normal?  Is that red or brown?  Reddish-brownish?  Brownish-reddish?  All I’m sure of is that it’s not green.

I decided to give it a taste test.  Just a small bite, so I don’t end up with food poisoning (again) but so I’m sure that I’m sure it needs to be tossed.  Cause, you know, bacon is a terrible thing to waste.

I take a bite.  It tastes…off.

ARGH!

Meanwhile, I've been I making up the rest of the (now vegetarian) potato soup.  As I stir in the cheese, I realize that I have somehow accidentally gotten reduced fat cheddar cheese.  Guess what doesn’t melt into soup nicely?

Reduced fat cheese.

*Leslie jumps on soapbox*  PEOPLE!  CHEESE IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE FAT IN IT!!  THAT’S HOW GOD AND THE COWS INTEND IT TO BE!  EAT THE FAT!  DON’T TRICK THE REST OF US INTO GLOPPY POTATO SOUP BECAUSE YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT EATING FULL-FAT CHEDDAR!  FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS RICH AND CREAMY AND GOOD!  *Leslie steps down from soapbox*

So now I have gloppy, vegetarian potato soup.  I went ahead and added some broccoli, hoping to camouflaging the mess.  It’s not working.

Anyone want to come over for dinner?  I’m cooking!