Unjustified Justification

I have a hyper-sensitivity to criticism. I really hate it.

I know that people say that you just have to let that stuff go. I agree. But I'm really bad at that. I mean, Epic Fail bad.

Here's my usual process when some says or does something really hurtful: First I spend awhile being offended and hurt. Then I try to be practical and evaluate whether there's any truth in what's been said. But the part that annoys me the most is that even if I determine rationally that the person is wrong, I can't seem to let go. I play over and over in my mind what I would like to say. Basically, how I would defend myself.

This compulsive need to justify myself is sinful. I know. It boils down to pride. I want to prove myself right, even when the rest of the world has moved on. I would totally go up to someone and present a defense for something I did or said in 8th grade if I thought they wouldn't think I was insane.

Sometimes I try to remind myself of what a great example Jesus was for us in this area. If anyone had a reason to justify themselves, it was Jesus. There he was- left his THRONE in HEAVEN to try to talk some sense into HIS CREATION during the brief years before the KILLED him. He spoke in parables specifically so that not everyone could understand. He wasn't at all concerned about his image. Didn't care if the aristocracy thought he was crazy or ridiculous, or worse yet, a heretic.

And he knew what was on the line. Jesus invited a poor reputation and we can only assume that was because he didn't care what people thought about him. He knew that the truth seekers would find the truth. And by his own words and actions, it seems that Jesus didn't allow himself the luxury of concerning himself with everyone else. He left it at that.

Oh, that I could learn this skill from my Jesus. It's not my job to assure that everyone understands me and my thoughts and my actions and my motives. Nor is it my job to understand everyone else's thoughts, actions, or motives.

It's my job to be faithful. To do justly and love mercy and to walk humbly with my God.