Settled

It is Wednesday evening. 6:23pm, and I am writing from the over-chilled dining room of the Ada, Ohio McDonald's Restaurant. I just finished my chicken nugget Happy Meal. Missed the mayo that is served with fries in Ecuador. Actually, I missed the combo of mixing the mayo and ketchup. McDonald's was one of the few places that served "real" ketchup there. Most places had this runny, pink-ish liquid that maybe had a tomato waved over it before packaging. It was gross. Far worse than no ketchup at all. But I digress.

Let's get back to the IMPORTANT part of the blog. I'm not really sure what that is, but you people keep harassing me to write, so here I am. Writing. :) Hmmmm....

Well, I've been back in Ohio for 2 1/2 weeks now. Today my awesome friend, Kristy, asked if I missed Quito yet. I answered her without hesitation. Nope. Not even a little bit. Not because I didn't (or don't) like Quito. Actually, I expect to start missing it around the time that other Quito-people are returning for the 2011/2012 school year. But for now, I'm too busy rolling around in a big, juicy vat of Ohio-wonderfulness to miss Ecuador yet.

I'm enjoying family, friends, driving (though not buying gas [eek!]), peaches, books on CD, Red Box movie rentals, coupons and sales, only working a couple hours a day, reuniting with Ohio-friends, watching NCIS on Tuesday nights, lightning bugs, the Ohio accent, strangers smiling at me, NOT being the largest/tallest person in sight at any given time, understanding EVERYTHING that is said to me, knowing how to say ALMOST everything I want to say, jogging [I know. But it's true], my new space-girl tennis shoes, not being on constant crime-alert, the smell of the country, and sun sets [not many sun-rises, though...]

One day, as summer wanders off and fall takes its place, I'll doubtless miss the majesty of the Andes, the cheap-n-yummy strawberries and avocados, the excitement of a new school year, getting my classroom ready, post-summer reunions with AAI people, the mental challenge of communicating in Spanish, the convenience of a cab to a busy part of the city [when it works like it should], the fun of the Latin culture on a Good Ecuador Day, the consistently moderate weather, and my Quito-friends. But not yet. Well, not yet for everything except the Quito-friends. I started missing them back in May.

Another season change. EVERYTHING about my life is in flux right now. From a new cell phone to a new job (which I am hopeful will be coming soon) to a new community and even a new place to fill my prescriptions. Lots of new. New-overload, if you will.

I feel like I'm in the eye of the hurricane. I survived the first part of the storm- leaving Quito.

It. Was. Hard.

By far my hardest "leave" yet. And now I'm in the calm before the second wave hits. Right now things are pretty easy. But I can tell that I'm still emotionally braced for what's coming. I'm having stress dreams. When my brain goes into autopilot, the stress rises to the surface. The questions pop back up above the water level:

-Where am I going to work? Will I like my job? What will my coworkers be like? Will I dread Mondays, or not? Will I get to stay there for awhile?

-Where will I live? How long until I build up my community there?

-What church will I end up in? How long until I feel like I belong there?

-What...?

-When....?

-What if....?

-How long until I feel SETTLED again?

That's the biggest question. Settled.

Settled is a good thing. Settled means you know who you are in your environment. You also know who you aren't. It means you have a routine, and even a routine for breaking the routine. You know who you can call for a spur-of-the-moment outing. You know the best routes to work. You know where to buy your milk. You smile and wave at your neighbors. People greet you by name at church and work and maybe even the neighborhood convenience store or gas station.

If you've lived in the same place for awhile, you've probably reached settled, and you might not even realize it. But remove the settled from your life? And you are aware if it immediately. You might seem ok. You might even feel ok, most of the time. But unsettled works in the subconscious. It pops up in your dreams. Reminding you that you're in transition. Your mind isn't at rest when your body is. It's working on the questions that float around. Being settled puts those questions to rest. It lets your dreams go back to the normal weirdness of being back in high school, but with the people from your current job, or having tea with Sponge Bob or whatever your "normal" dreams are like.

And so, even as I relish life in the eye of the hurricane, my soul still waits in anticipation. Far better than the eye is that day...flitting about out there in the vast spaces of "Future". The day when I will again be settled.