Suave. That's me. Yo. Soy. Suave.

I'm house-sitting right now, for some friends from church. They're off cruising in Alaska, which means I am luxuriating at their house. They have central air and cable tv. I am quite easily pleased.

Anyway, the REASON I'm house sitting is so that I can watch their dogs. I've been here for a few days, and this morning I decided to go for a jog at the track, which is within walking distance from the house. So I got all ready and decided to use the garage code instead of the house key, so that I didn't have to carry the key while I jogged. Cognizant my not-so-awesome short-term memory skills, I even wrote the combination on my hand. Just in case.

I said goodbye to the puppies (who were NOT excited about me leaving) and headed over to the track. I walked a mile and then jogged a mile. When I was sufficiently sweaty, I headed back to the house. As I came to the house, a pang of anxiety struck me. There's a door between the garage and the house. I locked it last night. Did I unlock it before I left?

I did not.

Using my cleverly recorded code, I opened the garage door, only to discover that I was still locked out of the house itself.

Dangit.

As I stood outside the door, sweating and listening to the dogs barking wildly inside I thought through my options.

-Maybe another door was open? But I didn't think so. I'm pretty careful about locking up, since I'm staying here alone.

-Maybe there's a key hidden somewhere? Yes, but where? I would check the doors, and then look for a key.

-Maybe a window was unlocked? Unlikely, since the AC means they don't usually have the windows open. But still worth checking.

-Outside help. I don't have a phone. I could walk to the neighbors' and see if they have a spare key, but when she came over before she used the garage code. Even if I had my phone, it's unlikely that my friends would be keen on trotting back from ALASKA.

I left the garage and headed around to the back door. No luck.

["How lucky that I'm so security-focused," I thought sarcastically to myself.]

I continued around the other side of the house, intending to check the front door again, though I KNEW it was locked, since that's the one I usually use. On the way, though, I noticed that one of the windows into a back bedroom wasn't locked. I went in for a closer inspection.

There was a screen. How much does it cost to replace a screen? I gently tried to push it up.

IT MOVED! It slid up to the first little notch, and then locked. But it was enough space to get my hands in there, push in those little lock-things, and get the screen all the way up.

Now for the window. I could see that the lock in the middle of the window wasn't latched, but these windows had those little levers on the inside of the frame, about two inches from the bottom of the frame. You have to push them down to release the window. Obviously, I couldn't release it from outside.

I tapped around the outside of the window frame, hoping to loosen anything that might be stuck and remembering similar experiences with various girls from the Roosevelt House. [ahh, memories!!] There wasn't a good place to push, so finally I just push out and up on the sides of the frame, and LO AND BEHOLD, the window moved up!! Whee!! I pushed it as far as I could get it; it wasn't far enough to get through, but WAS far enough that I thought with something to stand on, I could open enough to climb in.

About this time I started wondering if anyone was watching my attempted break-in. Oh well. Maybe if the cops showed up they could help.

Back I went to the garage to find something to stand on. My choices were an old, vinyl-covered chair or a plastic 5 gallon bucket with some bird seed in it. The chair seemed less likely to tip over, but more likely to collapse under my weight. I grab the bucket and return to my window.

I climb up on the bucket, realizing that it's REALLY unsteady. I tell myself that when I put one leg into the window, I will need to move the other foot to the middle of the bucket or it's going to dump me.

I manage to get the window open enough and evaluate where I need to step. I put one foot and leg into the window. As I'm grasping about for good places to hold on in preparation to pull myself in, the bucket tips over, leaving me dangling halfway out of the window, about a foot off the ground.

Some flailing ensues. I grab wildly, scraping some skin off in places that will go unmentioned, and finally manage to haul the other half of my body into the house.

I pause for a minute, breathing heavily, and take stock. The dogs are going CRAZY outside the bedroom door. I don't think I broke anything. I check outside the window; it doesn't APPEAR as though anyone had witnessed that delightful scene. I do not hear police sirens. Yet.

But I'M IN!!

So. What'd YOU do this morning?