WARNING: This is an Ugly Truth post. It may be TMI for you.

Chocolate

It’s a little like chocolate. Everyone likes chocolate. Well, nearly everyone and when you come across someone who doesn’t, you think either they’ve had a bad experience with chocolate or they’re just plain weird. Everyone likes chocolate, but not everyone can have it.

If you’re a single Christian, God says no chocolate for you. Yet. Your chocolate might be coming in the future. Or maybe you just don’t get any. At least, you don’t get any unless you choose to break the rules. You can always choose to steal someone else’s chocolate, or pay for it, even, but that’s no good. That’s against the rules. There are pretty significant consequences.

Christians take the chocolate rules seriously. There are some rules we ignore. Or kinda conveniently don’t really understand fully. But not the chocolate rules. We’ve got those down. No chocolate until you’re married. No exceptions. You can’t buy it, steal it, trade for it. Nothin. Sorry about your luck.

Now the good news is that there’s this verse in 1^st Corinthians (7:7) that says that your chocolate-free existence has its good points. It’s really a gift. You can focus all your time and energy on serving God! Yay! I mean, we’re all pro-serving-God, right? So if you’re single, of course you should feel REALLY excited about this perk. Now I don’t want to be sacrilegious here, really. But if God said to you, “Hey kid, you can choose from two gifts: the gift of chocolate or the gift of no chocolate,” which one do you think YOU’D pick? Let’s be honest. We all want the gift of chocolate.

But what we want doesn’t seem to factor in much. No matter that you really, really, REALLY want some chocolate. No matter that most of the people you know have unlimited access to their own chocolate. It’s not important that the media shows you lots and lots of chocolate all the time. You can see it and hear it. Smell it. Lots of luscious chocolateyness. It’s everywhere. Tempting you and reminding you that you don’t get chocolate, or any of the benefits that come after the chocolate. You can’t have it. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

Sometimes people who have their own chocolate try to help. They say things like, “Don’t worry. Your chocolate will come when you’re not looking for it.” Or “But you’re so lucky to be chocolate-free! Think how independent you are! You can do whatever you want!” Or my personal favorite, “God has a plan. You just have to wait for his timing.” The problem is that these oh-so-helpful people are usually munching on their own chocolate, or at least licking the vestiges off their fingers while they strive to console you. Really? No. If you have your own chocolate, good, bad, or otherwise, you don’t get to pat me on the head and tell me it’s ok that I don’t have any. You don’t have that right. Go away and eat your own chocolate and leave me in peace.

Because you know what? Those things? They aren’t necessarily true. No one knows if I’ll ever get my own chocolate. Well, except God, and he seems to be pretty tight-lipped about it. YOU don’t know. Neither do I. So stop lecturing me with your chocolate-flavored breath. You may mean well, but you’re not helping.

Anyway, there isn’t really any conclusion to this rant about the lack of chocolate in my life. I just wanted to vent a little bit. Cause I’ve never had chocolate. Not even one bite. I know that this wasn’t an accident. I believe that God’s got a plan for me. I don’t know if his plan will involve any chocolate in the future, but I sure hope so. In the meantime, I’m suffering from an acute chocolate craving, and it makes me cranky sometimes. You have been fairly warned. Now go away and enjoy your own chocolate. Just don’t tell me about it. J