The Why

Today during worship I was thinking about how, as a kid, there were a few occasions when one or the other of my parents would tell me to do something and I would ask why.  I could tell that this was not their desired response, but I wasn't asking because I was deciding whether or not to obey them.  I was a fairly obedient kid.  I wanted to know because that's how my brain works.  It is always asking why.  The Why helps me- to know my goal; to get behind the reason; to have a better attitude (hopefully).  I didn't mean to be disrespectful; I was just asking an honest question in hopes of getting an honest answer.

I know that parents don't owe their children an explanation for every call they make.  It's not that I deserved an answer.  And maybe sometimes the answer has to be "Because I said so," but I really think that's not what we normally mean.  In my experience, that answer is code for, "I'm too tired to explain," or "I don't know how to explain," or just, "I feel like you're being disrespectful and I don't to respond to that in a way that pleases you."  My experience is based on my own interaction with young people under my authority- mostly middle schoolers.

When my students asked an honest "why", I tried to answer thoughtfully and truthfully.  I don't think I ever went with, "Because I said so," but I know I have said, "Because I'm the teacher," which is essentially the same thing.  I'm playin' my trump card.  I only used it when a kid was being openly rebellious.  So, I get it.  Maybe my parents thought that's where I was going when I asked, too.  Can't blame 'em for not being able to read my mind.

Anyway, back to this morning.  I'm going through what seems to me to be the longest hard season of my life right now.  Explaining it all would involve a lot of words and drama, and I'm just not up for that right now.  But here's what I was thinking: this would be easier if I knew the why.  Not easy, but easier.  I think I could even be ok with not knowing if where I am is permanent or not, if I could know why.

My theology tells me that my God created me and knows me intimately.  It also tells me that He has good plans for me; plans to prosper and not to harm me.  And it tells me that all things in my life are allowed by my God, for His purposes, which will bring me good and Him glory.

This is all true.  I believe it is Truth, both in a generic,for-the-whole-world sense, and in a personal one.  But when I ask God why, these truths boil down what seems like essentially a God-shaped version of, "Because I said so."  Not an untrue answer, and yet THOROUGHLY unhelpful, unsatisfying.  Un-everything.

And here's the real kicker- God's not misreading me.  He knows that I'm asking out of sheer desperation.  I am in a hard place.  I have been here for a really long time.  I'm trying to hang on.  My knuckles are white and my fingers are bleeding- I'm trying with everything I've got.  I've basically stopped asking for rescue.  He's leaving me here and it must be for a reason.  I'm just asking for a little perspective.  The Why.  Is it too much to ask that He share it with me?  I'm not being disrespectful.  I'm not deciding whether to turn my back on Him.  But it sure would help to be able to hang onto the why.  It sure would help.

Chicken Enchilada Yumminess

A week or so ago I shared a recipe on my FB page for a chicken enchilada dish that I wanted to try.  It was really good and I made TONs of changes, so I'm going to write my own version here.  Mostly for me, but you feel free to try it if you want.  You can see the original recipe by clicking here.

Here are the ingredients that I changed and why:

• 4 bone-in chicken thighs, skinned; I used three boneless, skinless breast tenderloins (because that's what I had)
• 1 cup frozen corn kernels, thawed; I used 2 cups. (I like corn)
• 1/3 cup (3 ounces) 1/3-less-fat cream cheese, softened; I used about 2/3 of a block of full-fat. (I love cream cheese AND the newest studies are showing that fat from dairy is actually good for you.  Yay!)
• 1/2 teaspoon ground red pepper; (I took this out- don't like hot)
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin (doubled.  I like cumin)
• 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt  (doubled.  It needed salt.  I used regular table salt)
• 1 cup fat-free, lower-sodium chicken broth; (I just used normal broth- what I had in the cupboard)
• 2/3 cup salsa verde (I used green enchilada sauce)
• 1/4 cup water (I replaced this with broth)
• 2 tablespoons chopped pickled jalapeño pepper (didn't use this- again, don't like hot)
• 1/4 cup (1 ounce) shredded sharp cheddar cheese (seriously?!?!  1/4 cup for four servings?  That's a TABLESPOON per serving.  If you're counting calories hard-core, be my guest.  I used a total of 1.5 cups of cheese.  It was delicious, but I'll probably dial it down to 1 cup next time, as a nod toward health)
• I used less chicken than they said because I didn't have that much.  I supplemented with an 8 oz box of small white button mushrooms (I just learned that mushrooms contain a savory flavor called umami, which our brains associate with meat.  Plus I'm trying to get in more veggies)
• I would have put in a can of black beans for extra protein and deliciousness (because black beans go with anything Mexican) but I was out.  There was some weeping and gnashing of teeth)
• I added some medium salsa.  More veggies and added flavor.  Maybe 1/2 cup?

Ok, so here's my version:

 Leslie's Chicken Enchilada Casserole Recipe

Ingredients

• Cooking spray
• 3 skinless, boneless chicken breast tenderloins
• 8 oz mushrooms
• 1/3 cup chopped fresh cilantro, divided
• 2 cups frozen corn kernels, thawed
• 2/3 a block cream cheese, softened
• 1 teaspoon ground cumin
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
• 2 cups chopped onion, divided
• 6 garlic cloves, minced and divided
• 1 cup chicken broth
• 1 10 oz can green enchilada sauce
• 1/2 cup medium salsa
• 9 (6-inch) corn tortillas
• 1 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese

Directions

-Preheat oven to 425°F.

-In a medium sauce pan, boil the chicken until it's cooked through and tender.  Drain and set aside to cool.  

-Use a food processor to dice separately onions, mushrooms, and cilantro.  (you can do it by hand if you prefer).  Will only take a couple spins so you don't puree it.  By this time, you chicken should be cool enough to handle. Put it in the food processor for just a couple spins to chop/dice. (don't worry about rinsing out the food processor between foods; everything's getting put together anyway)

-In a large skillet, saute 2/3 of your onion with 1/2 the garlic, all the mushrooms and chicken in about a 1/4 cup olive oil.  Toward the end, add the salt, pepper, cumin, and salsa.  Last, remove from heat and stir in 1/2 the cream cheese and 1/2 the cilantro.  Set aside.

-In the sauce pan you used for the chicken, mix together the green enchilada sauce, the remaining 1/3 of the onions, the chicken broth, the remaining garlic, and the rest of the cream cheese.  Bring to a boil, then simmer for about 10 minutes.  Set aside to cool.

-Back to your skillet, rinse it out and spray with cooking spray.  Over medium-high heat. Add 3 tortillas; cook 1 1/2 minutes on each side. Remove tortillas from pan; repeat procedure with remaining tortillas. Cut tortillas into quarters.

-Go back to the cooling sauce.  Carefully pour it into a food processor with the rest of the cilantro.  Blend until smooth.

-Spread a thin layer of the salsa mixture in the bottom of a 9x13 or 8x8 baking dish coated with cooking spray. Arrange 12 tortilla quarters over salsa mixture. Spoon half of chicken mixture over tortillas. Sprinkle with 1/3 of the cheddar cheese.  Repeat tortillas, meat, cheese, and then tortillas again. Pour remaining salsa mixture over tortillas; sprinkle evenly with cheddar cheese. Bake at 425°F for 15 minutes or until bubbly and lightly browned.

It makes four servings and from start to finish took about an hour.  AND during the 15 minutes of cooking, I got all the washing up done, which is a fantastic bonus in my world.  Mmmm....

Family Dinner ~or~ Sharing Life

Today I read a friend's Facebook post about laughing with her family at the dinner table.  It triggered a whole slew of memories.

Dinner at the dinner table was an every-night event when I was growing up.  If you were on the property at supper time, you ate with the family.

We did not watch TV.  We did not have our cell phones.  (ok, true confessions- there were no cells phones.  BUT I am 376% sure that would be the rule, had my mom lived to the age of cell phones)

Mom grew up in a German family, so we had meat, potatoes (referred to as a "starch"), and a hot vegetable.  At every meal.  (well, nearly every)  Bread and butter if you didn't want what was served, or if you were still hungry.  Dessert was usually fruit.  Oh man, home-canned peaches and plums.  My favorite.  My mouth is watering...

ANyway, the point of this blog isn't food, yummy though it was (the college cafeteria was a harsh reality check).  It's about family.  Living with people.  I miss living with people.  It's messy- don't get me wrong.  But it's rich.

It's having Your Seat.  And relishing the week that your chore was setting the table- CLEARLY the best of the three (clearing and washing both being more work).  It's talking about your day, even through the years when the conversation goes a lot like this:

Dad: How was school?
Kid: Fine.
Dad: Anything exciting happen?
Kid: No.

Every.  Single.  Night.

(sorry, Dad)

It's about those nights when you have real conversations where minds are expanded and values are shaped.  And the nights when you laugh until you can't breathe and milk shoots out your little brother's nose.  And some nights when absolutely nothing of interest occurs.  A thousand meals.  A million conversations.

There are stats that show that kids who eat meals at the table with their family succeed more that those who don't.  This probably surprises no one who ate meals at the table with their family growing up.  Dinner with the family isn't just sharing food or space or conversation.

It's sharing life.

Best. Citizen. Ever.

Today is election day!  Once I got a postcard in the mail that had my voting record for the past five years (whether or not I had voted, not how I had voted) and it make me think, "Hey, someone's paying attention to that!"  You know, usually whether you vote is secret, sort of like whether you floss or whether you really wash your hands after EACH trip to the bathroom.  We all know we should do it, but no one really asks you or holds you accountable.

While living in Ecuador I learned that there, if you're a registered voter who doesn't vote, there are consequences.  The government will take your ID card which means you can't get a legal job; you can't get a passport so you can't leave the country legally.  In short, it's a pretty big deal.  It's called "obligatory voting" and this little tidbit should be considered when looking at those self-satisfied lists of countries where the voter turnout is better than the US.

Here in the US we try to be a little cooler about it than that.  After all, we're big on individual rights , including your right to be a slacker and not care.  Is that wise?  THAT's another blog post.  Meanwhile, the result of this is that our voter turnout tends to run at about 58%.  As a participation grade, that's a solid F.  But I'm not really here to write about the people who don't vote.

Today whilst using the snazzy electronic voting device at Redeemer Lutheran Church, it crossed my mind that maybe we don't really WANT everyone to vote?  I mean, when it comes to running a country, maybe we should aim a little higher than just showing up?

Let me give you a little peek into my decision-making process as I voted today.

[disclaimers that make me feel slightly less guilty for my level of bad citizenship:  Please note that I'm fairly new to my community and therefore don't know most of these people.  Furthermore, I live in a city of about 250,000, so "knowing everyone" isn't ever going to happen.  Ever.

I also didn't plan to vote because I expected to be working from 8-5 and then grabbing supper in time to arrive at my 6-9pm class, neither of which is close to my polling location, so I didn't even bother to try to guilt myself into doing research about issues or candidates.  I fully recognize that these are both shameless, overcome-able excuses]

Ballot question samples:

-Should we restructure the local government to put everything in one central place?  (this isn't the real wording.  the real wording read like an excerpt from the declaration of independence and must certainly have excluded a big chunk of the populace by simply preventing them from understanding the question itself.  seriously?  that makes me mad)

Leslie thinks:  Uh...    Hmm.  Well, consolidation can be good; can help everyone be aware of what's happening in other areas of the office.  On the other hand, re-organization is a lot of work and prevents other productivity while it's happening so if it's not really needed, it could just be a waste of time and resources.  Will this involve buying or remodeling property?  Will it cost money?  Will it cost jobs?  Who's in charge?  How long will it take?  What's the argument against it?  IS there an argument against it, or is everyone involved for it?  WHY AM I MAKING THIS DECISION?!?!

This is only the first question.  Off to a banner start.

On to the people.  I was sad there was nothing about funding for schools, police, firefighters, or other help-the-community stuff.  I'd ALWAYS rather throw my money at that stuff than at a re-organization project.  Those are the only issues I ever feel confident about.  But alas.  On to the people.

-Vote for one city counsel member.  I pick the woman.

-Vote for three school board representatives.  I picked one from each party (they should balance each other out, right?).

-I actually voted for one guy because his name was a word for a flower, and I figured that anyone growing up with that kind of challenge is either a criminal or chock-full of character.  Since he's on the ballot, it's probably the latter.  He gets my vote.

-Should ______ continue to be a _______?  Yes.  I have no idea, but I'll go with yes.  Hopefully if ______ was doing a really crappy job at being a ________ BEFORE, s/he wouldn't be on the ballot again?  I hope.  Yes.

-Vote for one ______.  (there is only one option).  I voted for each of those.  Does this even make a difference?

Do you see what I'm saying?  I'm a terribly irresponsible voter.  Maybe you are, too.

As a fixer, my thoughts after voting were all along the lines of why.  If we know WHY I'm a terribly irresponsible voter, maybe I can work toward solving that problem.  So what's the problem?  I love my country, so that's not it.

Is it simply that I'm lazy?  Well, I am lazy, but I doubt that's the whole answer.

I feel overwhelmed by the time and energy it would take to be informed on every issue.  I'm not even sure if I'm allowed to take a cheat sheet into the ballot with me and I sure know I wouldn't be able to memorize it all!  And if I decided next time to commit to that level of effort, I don't know how I would go about it.  That's not to say that I couldn't figure it out.  I'm pretty smart.  I could figure it out.  But it's just one more roadblock.

I rarely find someone who really represents me.  I'm too liberal on social issues to be a republican.  I'm too conservative on moral issues to be a democrat.  So even after knowing the platforms, I generally end up not really agreeing with anyone.  That's discouraging.

Another piece is that I not-so-secretly feel like my vote isn't really that important, and that notches down my motivation level a bit.

So there you have it.  I voted.  For better or worse, I showed up.  I did NOT get a sticker, which I'm fairly disgruntled about.  But then again maybe the sticker shouldn't say "I voted".  Maybe it should say "I researched the issues and voted informed".  Now THAT would merit a sticker, don't you think?