Tonight I was thinking about my mom; how I miss her; what I would want to do or say to her if she were to somehow magically appear before me for a few hours. Would I ask her questions about heaven? Would I tell her what she's missed in the past 8 years? And I came to this conclusion: I would just want to BE with her.
Like my first visit home from college. I say I was homesick only because I know of no other way to convey the fact that I was next-door to crazy with missing my mom. My parents moved me in on a Saturday; said goodbye on a Sunday, and I thought I would actually die of heartache before I could get home again that Friday night. Yes. I made it a whole 5 days.
My mom hugged me a lot that weekend, and for the last hour or so before I had to leave on Sunday afternoon, we just sat on the couch together. Actually, she sat, and I laid there, with my head on her lap. She smoothed my hair back. Tear slipped silently down my cheeks and soaked into her jeans as I tried to brace myself for the return to college. We didn't talk. I drew strength and courage from her for the journey. We were just being together. I needed to be with her.
If I could have her back, even for an hour, I wouldn't ask her anything. Or tell her anything. I would just want to be together again.
And as I was thinking about that truth, it occurred to me that this is what God wants of me. He wants me to feel about Him the way I feel about her. He wants me to want to just be with him- not to always ask him for things, as if he were a divine genie. Not to always tell him stuff, as if he needed catching up on my life. He wants me to want to be with him. Just be still. Enjoying each others' presence, and resting in the comfort of knowing that here- here is someone who knows me inside and out, and still couldn't love me more if he tried. Someone whose feelings about me don't change- not when I fail, and not when I succeed. Here is love and acceptance that is steady, just like the one who offers them.
He wants me to be with him; to draw strength and courage for the journey from him. Just be.
3 comments:
Spot on, Leslie! :) Thanks for sharing the things God is teaching you through the struggles of life. Can't wait for you to get to be with your mom again. Hope that we all get it more and more and enjoy being with God more and more.
I really hope that one day I can be that kind of strength to my daughter, and my son if he needs it from me. That my husband and I will be that great of parents. Your parents must be so proud, Leslie. I'm proud just to be your 'www' friend :) I pray that God gives you the peace of just feeling that you're with Him, or with your mom. Btw, your other comment basically wished you dead! LOL!! I giggled when I re-read that! :)
Ha-ha! Jodi, I'm pretty sure that's not what Tracie meant, but I can see how it sounded funny. :) I'm sure you're a great mommy, too!
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